There are no pictures for this post because no one really wants to see me right now anyway and I figured everyone would understand. This is a whine post and this is just probably more for memories and letting myself remember just how painful this whole thing has been. That is the only word I can use. I have had so much pain in my life but this is just topping it off to be the worst. I keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end, but in the moment it is so painful. My doctor truly is amazing and I love that he did the surgery but at the same time I miss the personal side of Dr. Meier who would do anything to make sure that I am comfortable, whereas this doctor will make sure that I won't get addicted. I want myself to rememeber how much pain I am experiencing so that the next go around (hopefully years later) I will be more mentally prepared for how painful it really is.

I have the best husband in the world and he has been by my side doing anything and everything that I have needed and has hepled me through some pretty rough times. He is so supportive and wears whatever I am feeling on his face, if I was in pain you could tell he was trying to take it away and bear it for me. I know I can make it through eternity with him, there are no doubts. I love my husband and his kindness and patience and empathy for my situation.

My mother is also one that has been Hobie's second mother. Those two are two peas in a pod and I love watching those two together and I am so grateful for her and her ginormous sacrifice to be here so long and she also wants to bear some of the pain and has cried along side with me. Sometimes that is what you need is someone to cry with you and to help you talk through and try to make sense of the world when you are hurting so bad. I love my mother more than I can express and I love hanging out with her and I am glad that she is seeing this resolved after many years of pain.

I have a great support team of siblings and especially Steph who will answer questions that we have and be a great relay to Dr. Meier and I think that keeps me more sane to know that if I have questions, they will get answered. I know all of my siblings would do anything and everything for me if I asked and I am so grateful for that!!

Life is painful, so so painful and I am trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it is so very faint right now and I am hoping that the next week will bring less pain and more mobility instead of pain and tears and scary dreams.

Thanks for letting me get my deep dark secrets out so I can be more prepared for next time and maybe in a couple days I will be a little brighter.....we will see.